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Have you been tested?

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Tulane University

culture

Have you been tested?

The FYI on STDs

Sari Axelrod

11.13.17

It’s 1:30am, and you're leaning against one of the conveniently placed pillars inside The Boot. You're on the verge of accepting that this might be a City Diner night, but not quite ready to throw in the towel. Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you spot him. He’s overwhelmingly mediocre in the fluorescence of Newcomb Hall, but this dark and dingy lighting is really gassing him up. You link eyes with the sultry redhead from Sociology and engage in a full throttle eyefuck. Things are beginning to look up as he makes his way over; perhaps you won’t have to eat your weight in a Big City Pancake tonight after all.

We’ve all been there. Boot hookups are standard fare here at Tulane. But there’s another "rite of passage" that goes overlooked by many students: STDs.

I know, I know, no one wants to think about the hideous lesions growing on their partner’s genitals as they grind beneath them. As Lil Yachty’s soulful voice permeates the dance floor, the last thing you are probably wondering is if that kid in the Knicks jersey has been tested.

I totally get it, you're so busy in college you can barely make time to call your mom, let alone look out for your own genital upkeep. But don't worry, staying clean is easier than you might think.

There are steps you can take, questions you can ask, and signs to look out for. The easiest thing to do, yet also the thing that no one does, is simply ask your partner if they’ve been tested. Now hold on, I know what you’re thinking: “it kills the mood.” Well you know what else kills the mood? Waking up to blisters on your junk and a burning sensation whenever you try to piss. So I highly suggest you rip off the bandaid and ask. People lie, that’s true. But that brings me to my next point.

Practice safe sex y'all. Whether you're into vaginas, anuses, mouths, ears, penises, Japanese sex pillows, or all of the above, you have to know the signs of STDs. We've got the big ones listed out for you right here.
What's the easiest way for all of you playing with penises to stay safe? WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM. Are you crazy? There are two situations where it is cool not to: if you are trying to make a baby OR if you are fully aware of your partner’s STD status and using an alternate form of contraception.

Condoms are great, so carry one around. They are the only form of birth control that prevent both pregnancy and STDs (besides abstinence, but that’s not why we’re here). Now please, I beg you, wear a damn rubber. I know what you're saying, “it feels better without one,” but you know what feels worse than sex with a condom? Gonorrhea.

So what happens if you actually contract one? Go to the the health center. Tulane offers a plethora of services to treat STDs that you shouldn't be afraid to take advantage of.

The most important thing to know after all of this is that STDs are nothing to be ashamed of. Many people are too afraid to get tested because they fear the results. Go to the WELL and get tested. You get to pee in a cup, it's actually kind of fun. When it comes to your health, what you don’t know actually can hurt you! So remember, with great sex comes great responsibility.