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Student who has "really found a home" in 7 different clubs must have a really high rent

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Tulane University

campus

- satire

Student who has "really found a home" in 7 different clubs must have a really high rent

Making friends is the leased of his worries

11.9.17


Jared, a freshman at Tulane, was pleased to announce last Friday that he felt like he has finally found his niche in all of his seven favorite clubs. From intramural sports to three different feminist clubs on campus, Jared really does it all. And he wants you to know that the people in every one of these activities “truly feel like family.”

We caught up with Jared following his last TUBE meeting, where he was found bragging, “I’m so blessed to have found this club, I’ve honestly grown so close to you guys during our three bi-monthly meetings this semester and that one time I awkwardly smiled at a club member in the hallway.”

This teary-eyed statement was followed by some indistinct mumbling from the crowd and a “thanks, Jake,” from the club president. Before Jared had a moment to correct his name, however, he had to rush off to his 5 o'clock meeting with the National Society of Black Engineers. Considering this enthusiastic freshman is neither black nor an engineer, we can safely assume this club was one of those he probably just signed up for because they had free cookies. Either way, we’re pleased to report that Jared feels a deep connection with this society as well and stated that he has formed an inseparable bond with his fellow black engineers. When asked for a follow up comment, after clarification of who exactly Jared is, the president of this society reported that he, “really, uh, shows up to all of the meetings.”

If you’re wondering how on earth Jared has time to keep up with this many life changing commitments, worry no further, he has been doing this for ages.

“If I ever get stressed out with all of these clubs, I just think about my home back in Chicago and my three other vacation homes in Florida, Cuba, and Canada, and remember how skilled I am at balancing all of those. If I was able to handle paying rent for all of my homes back then, with my parent’s credit card of course, who’s to say I won’t be able to do it now?”

How inspiring. I think it’s safe to say that the whole school is cheering on Jared as he continues discovering himself on campus.