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A Flu Season Message from the Campus Germs

health lifestyle


Tulane University


A Flu Season Message from the Campus Germs

We've had a great spring, and we owe it all to you

Mary Tyler Storms


Dear coughing, sneezing students of Tulane,

It’s the spring, and that’s what happens, but not without consequence. Sometimes, in your big lecture class, you mishear the professor because people are coughing so much while she’s talking. You end up writing in your notes, “Brain cells are called ‘new lawns’,” which is bad because you’re a liberal arts major just trying to fulfill a requirement, so nothing about that sentence strikes you as odd when you’re studying later. It’s a problem.

Well, let me make a correction... it’s a problem for you.

We, the germs of Tulane, are rejoicing and we would like to thank you, the student body, for your continued support of our way of life.

We can live free and without fear at this beautiful college, and we owe it all to the little things you do for us every day. Honestly, we’ve never experienced a warmer welcome.

The power of togetherness, of social harmony and connections with others, has aided us immensely. You high-five, you fist-bump, you hook up in dorms, you puke on stairwells. Some of you, I’ve heard, don’t wash your hands at all when you don’t feel like it. For this day-to-day support, we are indebted to almost all of you, but there are some, of course, who deserve more credit than others. In the best story I ever heard, human poop was found outside a dorm bathroom. Even if, in your modesty, you claim to have “forgotten” to wash your hands or even to locate a stall in the bathroom, we still owe you a great debt.

Even more praise is due to those who refrain from cleaning at all. We are especially grateful for all of the activities that Simran Rajani describes in her article, Dear Tulane, U Nasty.

And please let us not forget your greatest gift of all: carrying us with you as you travel.

With you we go to the Northeast or Midwest for spring break, where we may meet others and spread into places where we have never been exposed to such personalities and cultures before.

It is truly difficult to imagine a more worthwhile life for a germ, whether bacterial or viral, to thrive and spread.

Thank you for all you do.