“I couldn't agree more. Just thinking about the number of students whose breaks I’m ruining while I sit at home scrolling through Tinder on my parents’ couch ~literally~ makes me orgasm,” first year PhD student and professor of symbolic logic chimed in.
“This year, when my family goes around the table saying what we’re thankful for, I’m going to say my wife. You know, after all, she did quit her job to take care of our new baby, Jessica. But in my head, you can bet your bottom dollar, I’ll be picturing my students lugging their backpacks around everywhere they go this week in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, they’ll catch a break and get to start their homework. Those desperate little faces are even cuter than my Jessica’s, but don’t tell her I said that. LOL!”
“I mainly participate because Delta gives me a $100 Friday’s gift card in exchange for every 10 students I make pay for an extra carry on so that they can fit their textbooks,” said a marketing professor. Then all of the professors in the room began high fiving one another, insinuating that they, too, are in cahoots with airlines for chain restaurant dining coupons.